The funeral for murder victim Michelle Kelly Belisle has been set for tomorrow at Saint John's Cathedral. And as her family mourns the loss of this mother, sister and daughter - social workers and domestic counselors have redoubled their resolve at making consequential interventions in violent relationships. But what can anyone do to make a difference in a stormy relationship? Most will tell you that it's a "man - woman thing", best resolved by the individuals who find themselves in it. Since the flashpoint of Michelle Belisle's death, our news team has been tracking this social malaise - and found that there are no neat endings or textbook solutions in the world of domestic disputes:
Indira Craig, Reporting
Abuse scene from the play "Feminine Justice"
If someone was being beaten like this in the street, onlookers would feel compelled to intervene and stop it. But when it happens in the home, it's a private matter, no one can get involved. Sequestered behind closed doors and drawn curtains, scenes like this and worse unfold nightly in the home. And why would anyone stick around to be another's punching bag? Counsellors explain that victims are under a host of pressures to keep their families together, their children provided for, and their lifestyles intact - all within the battered framework of an abusive relationship that they don't want to leave behind:
Anita Zetina, Director, Department of Women's Affairs
"One of the things that always comes up with women being abused is, 'Miss, I don't want the relationship to end; I want the violence that is happening to end.'"
But most times, the pattern of abuse doesn't end and many try earnestly to leave, but end up right back in the same situation. It may sound fickle, but judge not, says this counselor whose seen scores of abused women pass through her doors looking for answers or an out:
Anita Zetina
"The mere fact that you come 2/3 times and drop the charge and come 3 times and have counseling and go back to the person, people may say, 'Oh you di play, you noh really serious about it.'" We are saying you have to be serious because of the reasons around it, you do not know and therefore you cannot blame a person for not leaving the relationship."
The Police department's Family Violence Unit is the one that has to maintain its vigilance - in the topsy turvy world of domestic abuse:
Cpl. Fay Usher, Family Violence Unit "Those cases that we get where probably after a month the couple would get back together. We are professionals so we have been thought that if a person comes into our office five ten times we need to deal with the report and do what that person request, maybe she wants court actions,maybe she just want the report to be made for future reference or maybe she wants to be referred to another agency to get some help, so have to deal with it on a professional basis.
But there's no professional code to govern abuse - and counselors warn that victims become so immersed in the pattern that they overlook warning signs. And while the relationship may still be salvageable, counselors warn that there is a point at which the menacing, becomes murderous:
Fay Usher
"When it reach physical, I think personally I think you need to take a stand and get up and make some changes or do something because we don't know what it could escalate to when it get physical.
Anita Zetina
"Once they start threatening you to say that 'the next time I wah cut you eena half,' or 'the next time I wah tek out yu eye' or 'the next time...', don't take those threats lightly cause once they start saying that they will start to believe that yes that is what they will do the next time and a lot of them do it. So don't take threats lightly."
And while those precautions are for those living in extreme situations, the women's department has a field options available to battered women.
Anita Zetina "There's a shelter for battered women, where we can put you up safely, there is counselling, but we cannot tell you what you have to do."
But while only the victim can make the decision to exit the relationship - there is a shared responsibility for the network of caregivers:
Anita Zetina "Family violence should become everybody's business and that if I see somebody hitting somebody or doing something I should feel responsible to intervene because it is just like two men fighting on the street somebody will intervene. And so therefore people should now start seeing that beating someone even if it is your wife or your commom-law wife it is wrong and it shouldn't happen and so that we should inervene and do something about it."
And even if a perceived moral responsibility isn't enough to encourage someone to get tangled in a domestic dispute - it's worth noting that abuse is more than just a private matter between a man a woman, it's illegal, a crime punishable by law